The Courtship of Dogs and Men In Miniskirts
by ILoveMyGojyo
Summary: Roy tries to woo Riza, but his attempts are constantly ruined. Who is wearing a miniskirt and why? After an unfortunate incident at home, Ed and Al get stuck with Winry and a very hot tempered alchemist.
1. Ice Ice Baby

_**The Courtship of Dogs and Men In Miniskirts.**_

_**Summary: Ed and Al meet another alchemist. Mustang is trying to woo Hawkeye, but everything keeps going wrong. And who's wearing a miniskirt and why?**_

_**Chapter 1: Ice Ice Baby.**_

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Hi! ILoveMyGojyo here. This is my first Full Metal Alchemist fanfic. I haven't seen very many episodes, but I pretty much know everything about it now. My friend Dragongirl04 does lots of research on the Internet and tells me everything. I hope you like. Please read and review. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any of its characters.

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If you get the chance you absolutely must read "The Way to a Man's Heart Is Not By Crushing His Ego" by Kaiya-Chan. That is the best fic ever. Well, here goes nothing.

* * *

A young, petite woman can be seen walking through the halls of the Military Headquarters. Her long, brown hair is in a large bun on her head. She looked at the passerby's, mostly men, through her large round glasses. The men are all looking at her up and down and whistling. She blinked her large blue eyes as she hugged her books closer to her chest and nervously continued on her way. 

"Excuse me," came the voice of Riza from somewhere behind her. The young woman turned around and gasped at the presence of the lieutenant. Riza walked up and stood in front of her, "Might I ask who you are?" she said as she looked down at the tiny woman with stern eyes.

She blinked once more as she looked up at the intimidating woman, "I-I-I'm Amy Forest," she managed to spit out, though it was not easy.

Riza crossed her arms over her chest, "And what are you doing here?" she asked as she looked her over with her eyes.

"I-I-I'm Major A-A-Armstrong's n-n-new assi-ssi-ssista-ta-tant," Amy answered, her stuttering getting increasingly worse.

"I'm Lieutenant Hawkeye," Riza smiled as she reached her hand out to shake Amy's. Amy looked surprised by this gesture. She dropped her books and saluted Hawkeye. Riza gave her an odd look before pulling her hand back and wiping it on her shirt, "Ok, well you may want to get your books," Riza smiled as the two knelt on the floor and picked up the woman's belongings.

"Th-th-thanks," Amy stuttered once again.

"Well, that's hot," came Havoc's voice from above them. The two women jumped up and Riza handed Amy her stuff, "You don't see legs like that everyday," Havoc continued as he looked Amy up and down.

Riza smacked her forehead with annoyance before looking back down at Amy, who was considerably shorter than herself, "You must forgive him, but your attire isn't exactly what is expected. Tell me, who gave you your uniform?" Riza asked as she motioned to the woman's attire.

Amy swallowed hard, "Colonel Roy Mustang," she answered simply.

Havoc laughed a little as he continued to look Amy up and down, "I knew I liked him for a reason," he said.

Riza gave him a dirty look, causing him to look at her and straighten up.

"I should have known," Riza said as she shook her head, "That man has no shame," she said slowly.

"What do you mean?" Amy said as she looked down at the very short, very tight miniskirt she had on, "Colonel Mustang said that this is what all the women wear," she said confused.

Riza groaned with annoyance, "Really, do you see me wearing one?" she asked as he motioned to her pants.

Amy blinked and hung her head, "I feel so embarrassed," she said weakly.

"The only reason you don't wear a skirt is because nobody wants to see your chicken legs," Havoc said as he looked down at Riza's legs and back up at her. By the time he looked back up, a gun was pressed to his forehead, "Ma'am," he said weakly, as if this would make what he said any better.

"Get this woman some pants, I have to have a word with my boss," Riza said bitterly before stowing her gun.

Havoc looked a bit disappointed, "Ok," he whined as he began leading the girl down the hall. He stopped and looked at Riza, "When you see Mustang, give him a message for me. Tell him that I love him and I will follow him to the ends of the earth. If he weren't a man, I'd marry him," he said before turning around and continuing his walk, obviously not noticing the odd looks he was getting from passerby's.

Riza took her gun out and check to see if it was loaded, "After I'm done with him, there will be no body left to tell," she smirked before walking down the hall in the opposite direction.

* * *

"No Winry! You can't come along!" Ed yelled frantically as the two stood in the middle of the street. 

Ed and Winry are mere inches from each other's faces and Al can be seen standing behind the two of them with a very large sweatdrop on his head, and his eyes wide with fear. The two had obviously been going at this for quite some time.

"You can't tell me what I can and can't do. I'm seventeen years old and perfectly capable of making my own decision!" Winry retaliated her voice getting louder with every word.

"Um, brother," Al whined as he tried to break up the fight, "Maybe we should let her come, it wouldn't really hurt anything," he said innocently, trying desperately to find a solution to the problem.

Ed closed his eyes tightly as his anger began to rise to extreme measures, "Fine, she can come with us until we go back to Resembool, than you're on your own. Got it!" he yelled as his temper went through the roof.

Winry smiled, "Fine by me, when are we going back anyway?" she asked curiously as she put her hands behind her back and began to stroll down the street.

"To get rid of you, hopefully tomorrow," Ed mumbled under his breath, smirking at the thought that Winry didn't hear him. He thought too soon. He squealed with pain as Winry's wrench met with the back of his head, "Oww," he moaned from his place on the ground, "What did you do that for!" he yelled, his eyes black from all the anger.

"I heard what you said," Winry smiled as she swung the wrench over he shoulder and walked away.

Al's eyes were wide once more as he knelt by his brother, "Are you ok Brother?" he asked nervously as he helped Ed to his feet.

Ed rubbed the back of his head, "No," he moaned as he and Al followed Winry.

When they finally caught up with her, she was standing in the street looking off toward the alley.

"Umm, is everything ok Winry?" Al asked as he and Ed examined the vacant look on the young girl's face.

"Who is she?" Winry asked absently as she pointed in the direction she was looking.

Ed and Al followed where she was pointing and saw what she was staring at, "I don't know, but she doesn't look too good," Al commented.

They were looking at a young girl, who couldn't be any older than sixteen. She has long black hair that comes down to the small of her back. She's wearing very dirty, torn clothing. The most interesting feature was her left arm and right leg. They were considerably shorter than their counter parts. She was using a stick to help her walk. They watched as she went into the dark alley.

"Maybe we should follow her," Winry suggested as she looked around at Ed.

Ed crossed his arms as an anger cross appeared on his forehead, "No," he said sternly as if saying 'what I say is law and no one is to question'.

Winry looked at Al and smiled, "Will you come with me?" she asked sweetly.

"Uhhhh," Al said nervously as he sweatdropped appeared on his forehead, "I...uh..." he began as he waved his hands defensively.

"Good," Winry smiled as she grabbed his large metal arm and dragged him with her to the alley.

Ed's jaw dropped as he watched this sight, "I thought I said no," he said bitterly before reluctantly following.

* * *

"Hello!" Winry yelled, her voice echoing off the walls of the vacant alley, "Is anyone hear!" she called again. 

"Apparently not," Ed said bitterly as he crossed his arms and closed his eyes, "Now let's stop wasting time so we can take you back to Resembool."

Winry gave him a dirty look before continuing her search.

"Can we please get out of here?" Al whined from where he was hiding behind Ed, "I don't like this place."

Winry sighed with defeat, "Ok," she said reluctantly as she hung her head and turned around. They were about to leave when the sound of sobbing could be heard. Winry stood up straight and spun around, "Did you hear that?" she asked as she began to run down the alley.

"Unfortunately," Ed whined as he and Al slowly followed.

* * *

Winry looked desperately as she followed the sound of the sobbing. Her eyes widened when she spotted the young girl curled up in the corner crying. 

"Are you ok?" Winry said as she closed in on the young girl.

The girl looked up at her, her large green eyes filled with fear, "Get away," she ordered as she used her right hand to wipe a tear from her eye.

"We just wanted to help," Al chimed in from his place behind his brother.

The girl's eyes widened when she saw the huge suit of armor. She got to her feet and leaned on her stick.

"I know alchemy you freak, don't think I won't use it on you," she said nervously, trying desperately to hide her fear.

Al's face went blue as he whined a little, "What? I'm not a freak," he said as large tear formed in his eye.

A large grin appeared on Ed's face, "Alchemy huh, let's see than," he said as he crossed his arms.

The girl's eyes filled with anger as she looked at Ed's disbelieving attitude, "Fine," she said sternly, "But don't say I didn't warn you," she said angrily as she closed her eyes to concentrate.

"But she didn't warn us," Al whined as he hid behind Ed once again.

The girl let out a yell as she placed the center of her left forearm over the center of her right forearm. She opened her palms in the direction of the three nonbelivers and an icy mist came out in their direction. After she was done she grabbed her stick to catch her balance.

"Did I hit anyone?" she asked as she opened one eye to see the damage she did.

Winry, Ed, and Al looked at the frozen trash can on the other side of the alley, "No, you missed by a mile," Ed said as he began to laugh uncontrollably.

The girl hung her head in shame.

"Well, you almost got us," Al said innocently, trying to make her feel better.

The green eyed girl looked up at him, "Don't try to make me feel better you useless hunk of metal," she said sternly causing Al to sweatdrop, "I won't miss this time."

She pulled off her torn jacket. The other three gasped at what they saw. Her left arm was considerably shorter because it was an automail arm that looked as if it needed a serious upgrade. There was an alchemy circle tattooed on the top of her right forearm and an circle ingraved in the bottom of her left forearm. That explained where the alchemy came from. She yelled once again as she placed her left arm over her right, unfortunately it didn't occur fast enough. She let go of the stick to do her alchemy and ended up falling over.

Winry gasped and ran to her side, "Are you ok?" she asked nervously as she looked the girl over.

The young girl sat up and hugged her knees as she cried, "Stupid leg," she whined.

Winry gave her an odd look before looking down at her leg. She could see automail through a hole in the young girl's pants. Bye the looks of it, it was in even worse shape than the arm.

"How long has it been since you've had your automail lengthened?" Winry asked as she rolled up the girl's pant leg to reveal the automail on her right leg went from her knee down, but wasn't nearly long enough.

The girl wiped tears from her eyes, "Six years, why?" she said simply.

Winry looked up at her and smiled, "I think I can fix this, if you'll let me," she said as she looked back down at her leg and began to flex it, "This is really nice, whoever made this is very good," she said as she examined the craftsmanship.

The girl pulled leg back and gave Winry a dirty look, "I don't want help from you, the freak, or shrimpy. Got it?" she said bitterly as she got up and leaned on her stick.

Ed began to freak out just as he normally did, "I'm not shrimpy!" he began to yell, his arms in the air.

Winry gave the girl a dirty look as she ignored Ed's rambling, "I was only trying to be nice," she said bitterly.

The girl shook her head as she walked past the group of them, "I've done good by myself for this long, I don't need help from anyone," she scorned as she rounded the corner.

Al, Winry, and Ed just looked at each other in silence.

* * *

Mustang can be seen sitting at his desk in his office. He's working on his paperwork. Havoc is sitting at his desk doing just the same. They both look up when they hear the door opening. 

Riza can be seen walking into the office, she was tapping her shoulder with her gun, "Let's see here, I was trying to find a decent punishment for my boss, but didn't want the Fuhrer involved," she said as she looked to the floor and thought.

Mustang swallowed hard. He was trying to figure out how she knew what he did.

"What are you talking about Lieutenant Hawkeye?" Roy asked, his voice cracking slightly.

Havoc looked a bit scared, "I think it best if I leave now," he said as he slowly got to his feet.

Riza pointed her gun at him, "Sit," she ordered sternly. Havoc sat down without saying another word. Riza turned and faced Mustang, "Well, I think I found the best punishment for a male chauvinist pig that makes a poor defenseless woman parade around in a miniskirt for his own sick humor," she said with a wicked smile. Roy gave her an odd look, "So I brought a little present." The boys eyes widened when Riza held up two miniskirts on hangers, "I hope you shaved," she said with a voice even more wicked than her smile.

* * *

Well, that's all for now. I hope you like it. If there are any problems, please let me know. I hope everyone is in character. Please read and review. 

ILoveMyGojyo.


	2. Men Don't Wear Skirts

_**The Courtship of Dogs and Men In Miniskirts.**_

_**Summary: Ed and Al meet another alchemist. Mustang is trying to woo Hawkeye, but everything keeps going wrong. And who's wearing a miniskirt and why?**_

_**Chapter 2: Men Don't Wear Skirts.**_

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Hey! ILoveMyGojyo here. Welcome to chapter two. I'm so glad you are enjoying this fic. This chapter won't be as long seriously. Ok, here we go.

Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any of its characters.

_**

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Responses to my reviewers are located at the end of the chapter.**_

* * *

Mustang and Havoc can be seen walking through the vacant hallway.

"This is so embarrassing," Havoc whispered as he gave Mustang a dirty look, "You're her superior, why can't you just tell her off? Make her wear a skirt," he said bitterly.

Roy looked at Havoc, fire in his eyes, "Because she has a gun and I value my life," he said simply, as if it weren't already obvious.

Havoc groaned a little, "Well, at least the hallways are empty. Nobody can see us," he said with a sigh as he and Roy peeked around the corner to see if anyone was in that hall.

"Yeah, well even if there was someone out here, nobody would dare to say a word," Mustang said sternly as he adjusted his shirt collar and walked around the corner.

Havoc shook his head in disbelief, "You have serious issues," he said as he followed behind. He caught up with Mustang, who was walking very quickly, "So, how far do we have to go again?" Havoc asked as his eyes continued to nervously dart around the hallway.

"She said we had to walk around the building and than back to the office," Mustang replied as a small smile began to spread across his face, "I guess she didn't count on the fact that everyone is in their offices working," he said as they rounded yet another corner. Both Mustang and Havoc let out a sigh of relief as the office door came into sight. Mustang stood in front of it and grabbed the doorknob, "See, nobody saw us. Jokes on her," he said before looking back to the door.

"Oh, nobody saw you?" came the familiar voice of a woman from the other end of the hallway.

Mustang and Havoc looked up and saw Riza leaning on the wall.

Mustang smiled once again as he crossed his arms, "Nope, not a soul," he said with a wicked grin, he knew that that would tick off the lieutenant.

Riza shook her head, "Well, we'll have to fix that won't we?" she asked as she pushed herself off the wall.

On the wall where she was leaning was the fire alarm. If she pulled the handle, it would set the alarm off in the entire building, causing everyone to run out of their offices.

Mustang got a stern look on his face, "Don't even think about it lieutenant," he ordered sternly, "You know very well that a false alarm is against the rules. You can be suspended for that," he warned, his eyes very serious.

Riza sighed, "I guess you're right," she said disappointed, she really wanted to get the best of them.

She began walking toward them when Mustang couldn't hold his tongue any longer.

"Besides," Roy said with a sadistic smile, causing Riza to stop and look at him, "You wouldn't want everyone to see how much better we look in miniskirts than you. Now would you?" he asked, not realizing the consequences that one remark would have.

Riza's eyes filled with anger as she clenched her teeth, "That's it," she said as she turned around and made her way back to the alarm, "At least if I get suspended, I don't have to put up with the two of you," she said before grabbing the fire alarm.

Roy and Havoc's eyes got big before they realized that all they had to do was go into the office. Roy turned the knob, but to no avail…Riza locked the door and his keys were in his pants. Roy and Havoc looked at Riza, fear in their eyes. The blonde simply smiled and waved before pulling the alarm as hard as she could. Just like she had said, the doors flew open and all of the other military personal ran into the hall. The expression on their faces was that of fear, until they saw the two men. They began to laugh hysterically at the tight, black, miniskirts the men were now sporting. What made the whole ordeal even funnier is that the boxer shorts the men were wearing were longer than the skirts. They had them rolled up in an attempt to hide them, but it didn't work. All the people who worked in that hallway could see Roy's black shorts with flames and Havoc's pink shorts with yellow ducks.

* * *

"Well I think we learned a lesson today," Ed said as he, Winry, and Al made their way down the crowded street. He put his arms behind his head as he closed his eyes, "When someone says they don't want help, they mean it," he smiled.

Winry flashed him a dirty look, but didn't say a word.

"But she really did look like she needed some help, Brother," Al said as he looked to Ed. Ed looked up at him, a little irritated, as he waited for his brother to finish, "If it were you who looked like that, wouldn't you want some help?" he asked, trying to make a point.

Ed gritted his teeth, "Not if I said I didn't want any!" he yelled, causing Al to go blue faced and shielded himself with his arms.

Winry turned around and his Ed in the head with her wrench. She stood with her arms to her side and her eyes closed as an angry cross pulsated on her head. Ed whined a little as he rubbed the sore spot on his head.

"Leave Al alone!" Winry ordered as she put her wrench away, "His body may be empty, but he at least has a heart," she said before turning around.

Ed opened his mouth to say something, but was quickly cut off by the sound of Al's voice, "Look!" Al yelled as he pointed in front of him.

Ed and Winry looked where he was pointing. About fifty feet away, across the street, was their friend from earlier. She was being shoved out of a shop by the shop keeper.

"I'm not giving you anything!" the shopkeeper yelled down at the girl, since he did knock her to the ground, "I refuse to help you, you freak! Now get out before you scare away all of my costumers!" he ordered before pointing off to the distance, "Go to the alley where you belong!" he yelled once more before going in and slamming the door.

The young girl got to her feet and leaned on her stick. She hung her head with defeat before walking away; she knew that there was no use hanging around there anymore.

Winry, Ed, and Al watched in aw, "We have to do something," Al said as he looked at Ed hopefully.

Ed looked at him and sighed before hanging his head, "She doesn't want our help, Al. Just drop it," he ordered before walking forward once again.

Winry looked at Al and smiled, "Come on, let's help her," she said excitedly, "We can't let shrimpy bark orders at us, now can we?" she laughed as she ran for the store.

Ed's anger rose and his face went red, "I'M NOT SHORT! I'M TALLER THAN YOU!" he yelled, freaking out just as he always does.

Al gave him a frightened look before taking a few steps to the side, "I'm coming Winry!" he yelled before following the young girl.

* * *

The three of them entered the shop and looked around at all of the costumers. This wasn't your normal shop. It was one big room, where you could shop or you could sit and eat. The place looked a bit crowed, but not too crowded. Al, Ed, and Winry had no trouble making their way to the checkout counter. The man on the other side of the counter was the same man that had pushed the young, green-eyed girl out on the street.

"Hi, I'm Leon, the shopkeeper," the man smiled as he looked at the three with gentle eyes. This was the same man, but he acted different toward them, "Can I help you youngins' with anything?" he asked sweetly.

Winry gave him a small smile, though she would have rather hit him, "Yes, you can. Umm, we just need a small dinner. To go if you will," she requested, her cheeks beginning to hurt from the fake smile she had to give him.

"One small dinner coming up," Leon said excitedly as he walked into the back of the shop.

Al looked at Winry with questioning eyes, though he didn't dare ask what came to mind. Fortunately, he didn't have to, Ed did.

"Why were you being so nice to him after what he did to that girl?" Ed asked, a little unsure about Winry's kindness.

Winry looked at the blonde boy and smiled, "Well, I didn't want to make a scene, besides, this is where she was coming to eat. This is where I want to get her food. I'm sure she's hungry and if we make him mad, he won't give us the meal," she replied.

She turned back around and leaned on the counter, unaware of the shocked expressions on Ed and Al's faces.

"You are sounding more and more like him everyday," Ed said as he motioned to Al with his thumb, causing Al to go blue once more.

Leon came back with their order and placed it on the counter. He typed a few things into the register before smiling at Winry.

"There you are," Leon said as he took the money Winry handed him and pushed the box closer to her.

"Thank you," Winry smiled pleasantly before turning and looking at Ed and Al, "Let's go give this to her," she suggested as she headed for the door.

"Yeah, maybe she won't be cranky on a full stomach," Ed laughed as he put his hands in his pockets and followed close behind.

"What makes her a freak?" Al asked as he looked at Leon.

Winry and Ed stopped in their tracks at the sound of the young boy's voice. They turned around and noticed for the first time that he was no longer following them. Al was still standing at the counter looking at the tall, husky, greasy, nasty, shopkeeper.

"Excuse me, what are you talking about?" Leon asked as he gave Al an odd look.

Ed smacked his forehead, he was hoping his brother would drop the subject. On the other hand, Winry's eyes filled with amazement, Al was determined to help this girl no matter what.

"The girl you threw out of here earlier," Al continued, still standing his ground, "What makes her a freak?" he asked again, not in a threatening tone…just curious.

Leon's eyes filled with rage as his face went red, "Haven't you seen her?" he asked coldly, obviously not afraid of Al's…well 'specialness'.

Al looked a bit upset by the man's comment, "Yes, I've seen her," he replied, not loosing his temper, "And I think she's rather cute. She's not a freak," he said as he looked to the floor, he looked as if he were loosing his will to fight.

Leon crossed his arm as he chewed on the toothpick in the corner of his mouth, "Yeah, she is cute isn't she?" he laughed, "But she doesn't have any money. Though, if she needed some, I do get a little lonely at night. I would consider maybe…you know," he said as he rubbed his oversize gut and winked at Al.

A disgusted look appeared on Ed and Winry's face as they thought about this. Al looked up at the man, an equally disgusted look on his face.

"You sicken me," Al said, still in an awkwardly cool tone, "You can't help a poor child who has nowhere to go. You need the help sir, not her," he said as he turned around and made his way to the rest of his party.

Winry smiled at him to let him know she was proud that he didn't lose his temper. Ed, on the other hand, seemed to have the angry expression on his face, equal to that of the anger Al was feeling.

Leon laughed as they headed toward the door, "Yeah, get out you useless moron!" he called after them, this grabbed the attention of all of the people in the store, "Go find your little girlfriend and tell her about the offer I'm making!" he said, humor still in his voice, "At least one of us can please the young lady," he continued.

Everyone in the store got a disgusted look on their faces, much like the one Ed, Al, and Winry had been sporting. Al stopped and looked around at Leon. He opened his mouth to say something, but the realization that he hardly knew this girl popped into his head. There really wasn't any need to keep fighting it. He turned and followed Winry and Ed out without another word, though the thoughts of what he could do did go through his mind.

* * *

The three stepped outside the shop and looked around for where they could go next.

"Oh," Winry said excitedly as she pointed off into the distance. She spun around and put the food in Ed's hands, "I'll be right back," she said before running across the street, nearly getting run over three times.

Ed and Al walked up to the curb and sat down on it, "So," Ed said after a few moments of silence, "You were pretty cool back there. You didn't lose your temper or anything," he said, sounding proud of his brother. Al nodded a little but didn't say a word. Ed gave him an odd look, "Are you ok?" he asked concerned.

Al looked at him and sighed, "I was really mad," he said weakly, "I almost hurt him," he confessed.

Ed laughed a little, "It's alright, everyone losses their temper at some time. I think he would have deserved it anyway," he assured his younger brother.

Al looked at him and nodded, letting him know he understood. Ed smiled back at him before looking across the street. Winry walked out of the store on the other side. She looked at them and waved them over to her side. They both stood up and brushed themselves off before crossing the street and catching up with Winry.

* * *

Mustang can be seen pacing back and forth in his office, still wearing the skirt. Riza stood in the center of the office. Her back was straight and her hands were at her sides.

"You pulled the alarm," Mustang began to scold, "Do you know the consequences of a false alarm?" he asked, still pacing in front of her.

"Yes sir," Riza answered quickly, "You made sure I was aware of that before I did it," she continued, keeping as military as possible.

Mustang cleared his throat before stopping in front of Riza. His face was mere inches from hers.

"Enough of this," Roy said as his voice went from scolding to a bit of whining, "Where are my pants?" he asked, his legs were getting a bit chilly.

Havoc walked over to her as well, "Yeah, everyone can see my boxers," he whined as well.

A smile spread across Riza's face, "You have to find them, Sir," she replied simply.

Mustang held a finger up to her face and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

He looked at the door, anger in his eyes, "Come in!" he yelled, forgetting the skirt.

The door opened slowly as the Fuhrer emerged into the room. Both Havoc and Mustang snapped to attention, Riza didn't have to worry, she was already there.

"I wanted to know if any of you had any leads on who pulled the…what are you wearing officers?" the Fuhrer began, his expression changing when he saw the skirts.

Mustang and Havoc covered themselves up, than snapped to attention, then covered themselves up.

Riza laughed as she watched them continue this, "They were wondering if it'd be ok to wear these with their uniforms from now on?" she asked, seeing how Roy and Havoc couldn't.

The Fuhrer raised an eye brow, "Whatever makes you comfortable," he said as he attempted to shield his eyes with his hands, "If you get any leads, just come tell me," he ordered as he turned to the door and grabbed the side of it, "But, please wear pants," he requested before walking out, pulling the door shut as he left.

Roy and Havoc gave Riza a dirty look, which she return with a simple smile. She never once broke her military bearing.

* * *

Ok, that was kinda short. I'll make it longer the next time. Please review._**

* * *

Response to Reviewers:**_

**_az4ever: _**Thanks for my first review. I hope I updated fast enough. Sorry this chapter wasn't as funny as the last, but the next one will be a lot better. You'll never guess where the pants are…hehehehehehe.

**_FlameHead: _**Your review made me blush. That was funny. I've never had any reviews like that before. Very cool.

**_ILUVED: _**Yay! I'm glad you liked it. Please continue to read.

**_Kaiya-Chan: _**Of course I remember you, I sat and read your fic for several hours. It wouldn't have taken me so long if I didn't laugh every five seconds. But hey, that's what makes a fic worth reading. I'm really glad you liked my fic, and yes, she is a brat. I hope you will continue to read. You'll never guess where the pants are, that's the funny part. Hehehehehehehehehahahahahahahaha!

ILoveMyGojyo.


	3. The Pants

_**The Courtship of Dogs and Men In Miniskirts.**_

_**Summary: Ed and Al meet another alchemist. Mustang is trying to woo Hawkeye, but everything keeps going wrong. And who's wearing a miniskirt and why?**_

_**Chapter 3: The Pants.**_

_**

* * *

Responses to my reviewers are located at the end of the chapter.**_

* * *

Hello! ILoveMyGojyo here. Welcome to chapter three. Please read and review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any of its characters.

* * *

The Fuhrer walked into his office, still trying to shake what he saw out of his head. He looked at his secretary and smiled.

"I'll be a bit busy this afternoon, do me a favor and hold my calls," he requested.

"Yes sir," his secretary nodded before looking back down at her paperwork.

The Fuhrer sat at his desk and got comfortable. He sighed as he looked at the large stack of papers. He shook his head before opening his desk drawer.

"What is this?" he asked as he pulled a pair of blue pants from the drawer. He had an odd expression on his face as he pulled yet another out, "I don't remember requesting my dry cleaning to be put in my desk," he said as he held up the pants to show his secretary. The secretary shrugged before looking back down at her work. "Hmm," he said as he laid one pair on his desk and looked at the tag in the other pair, "Ah, Jean Havoc," he groaned as he read the tag. He looked at the other pair, "Than these belong to Mustang," he said as he picked them up. He got up from his desk and walked into the hallway, "Armstrong," he said as the man pasted him.

Armstrong looked at him and saluted, "Sir," he said in his normal tone.

"Please return these to Lieutenant Havoc and Colonel Mustang," The Fuhrer requested as he handed Armstrong the pants.

Armstrong took the pants and nodded, "Yes sir," he said before turning and walking away, not the slightest bit curious.

"Something odd is going on," the Fuhrer said to himself as he rubbed his chin, "But, I'm not so sure I want to know what it is," he said shaking his head and returning to his office.

* * *

Ed groaned with irritation, "We could have you back in Resembool if you weren't so concerned about this girl," he said as they walked down the familiar alley.

Winry glared at him, "Well, I'll feel bad if we don't help her," she said as she hugged the jacket she bought the girl close to her chest, "Besides, I'll feel better when we give her this food and this jacket," she nodded.

The three rounded the corner and shock over took their faces. There were four boys in the alley and they were beating up the black haired girl.

"Hey!" Winry yelled at them.

They turned around and smirked at the blonde haired girl, "What do you want?" the leader asked irritably.

Winry's eyes got big, she didn't think past 'hey', "What are you doing to her?" she asked, as if it weren't obvious.

The boys waved a hand at her before looking back to the girl, "Leave her alone," Al said bitterly, crossing his arms over his chest.

The boys heard the voice of a little boy and laughed, "What are you gonna do about it little boy?" the leader asked before turning around. Al was standing in front of him, causing him to jump back a little, "Oh…crap," the boy said slowly before running off, his buddies following close behind.

"Well, do you always have that affect on people," the girl asked as she looked up at Al.

Al hung his head, "Most of the time," he answered simply, "But only when they don't get a chance to know me," he replied.

The girl smirked, "Yeah, I'm sure people are cutting in line to meet you," she said sarcastically. Al looked down at his hands before walking over to Winry and Ed. The girl looked at Winry and laughed, "You guys just can't help trying to be the heroes, can you?" she asked as she crossed her arms.

Winry's eyes widened when she saw what shape the girl's arm was in. Those boys had beaten her so much that her arm was barely hanging on.

"Um…Ed, I need to speak to you," Winry said as she turned around and handed Al the jacket, "Alone," she said, her eyebrows raised.

She pushed Ed around the corner, leaving the girl and Al alone.

"Umm, this is for you," Al said as he walked up to the girl and attempted to hand her the food they had bought.

The girl's eyes narrowed on him, "I'm not hungry," she said through her teeth.

"Oh," Al said nervously as he sat the food on a nearby trashcan, "I'll leave it there. If you do get hungry, you can eat it," he said before looking back down at her.

The girl shook her head in disbelief, "What's the jacket for, incase I get cold?" she asked bitterly.

Al looked at the jacket draped over his arm, "Yeah," he said as he laid it on the trashcan next to the food, "Um, I'm Al," he said as he placed a hand on his chest, "What's your name?"

The girl gave him an odd look, "Al?" she asked as she studied him better, "You mean…Alphonse and Edward Elric?" she asked unsure.

Al nodded, "That's me and my brother," he said excitedly.

"Well, if my leg didn't look as bad as my arm, I'd run," the girl said as she motioned to her, nearly severed, auto-mail leg.

Al gave her an odd look, "Why?" he asked confused.

"Because I just realized that there isn't a little boy inside that armor," she replied, a little fear in her voice.

"Oh," Al said as he looked down at himself again, "I'm sorry to frighten you. I'll be going now," he said as he turned to walk away.

"Allison," the girl said as she watched him walk.

Al looked at her confused, "Allison?" he asked, giving her an odd look.

The girl laughed a little, "My name is Allison, but you can call me Alley," she said as she motioned to herself.

Al was about to say something before Ed and Winry came back around the corner, "We've decided to take you with us," Winry said excitedly, a smile strewn across her face.

Alley looked at Ed and watched as he rubbed the back of his head, "You apparently had to convince him," she said, figuring Winry had hit him.

Winry blushed a bit, "Only a little," she assured her.

Alley shook her head, "I'm not going anywhere. So thanks, but no thanks," she said as she looked away.

Winry's smile faded, "But, your auto-mail needs to be repaired," she said nervously as she motioned to Alley's arm.

Alley groaned a little, "I'll be fine, just leave," she ordered, hoping they would listen this time.

"Alright," Winry nodded as she and Ed rounded the corner.

"Bye, Al," Alley said as she smiled at the young boy.

Al looked at her and nodded, "Bye," he said before following the others.

* * *

Al sat outside on the curb. He sighed as he looked around at the crowded street.

Ed walked out of the inn, stretching his arms high above his head, "Good morning," he said as he sat down next to Al.

"Good morning brother," Al replied, not looking at the blonde next to him.

Ed gave Al an odd look, "You ok?" he asked concerned.

"No," Al replied as he shook his head, "I wish Alley would come with us, this was we could help her. I don't feel comfortable leaving her here alone," he said as he looked at Ed.

Ed blinked with surprise. He didn't understand why Al was so concerned about a girl that didn't even want their help.

"Well, if she doesn't want to come with us, we can't make her," Ed pointed out, though Al already knew this.

"Yeah, I know," Al sighed, "Would it be ok if we stopped in to see her once more before we leave?" he asked hopefully as he looked to Ed.

Ed smiled and nodded, "I don't see how that would help, but alright. Just as long as we get back to Resembool to drop off unwanted luggage," he agreed.

Al laughed a bit, "If Winry heard you say that, she'd hit you Brother," he warned him.

"Yeah, well," Ed said as he put his arms behind his head, "After tomorrow, I won't have to worry about it anymore."

* * *

Ed, Al, and Winry rounded the corner of that 'oh-so-familiar' alleyway. Winry smiled when she noticed the empty food container. They walked around the trashcan and saw Alley lying on the ground; she's covered up with the jacket.

"Alley?" Winry asked as she knelt next to the girl and gently shook her, "Alley?" she said again when she got no response.

Alley began to cough violently, causing Winry to jump back.

"Something's wrong," Al said as he and Ed ran to Winry's side.

"She doesn't look too good," Ed said as Alley continued to cough uncontrollably.

Winry thought for a second, "Come to think of it, she hasn't really looked very good at all," she said as she slowly shook her head.

"Yeah, when we met her, she did look a little discolored," Ed agreed as he looked to Winry.

"What should we do?" Al asked as he too looked to Winry.

"We have to take her to the doctor," Winry said as she got to her feet, "Al, you carry her. Let's go," she said as she patted Al on the arm.

* * *

Armstrong is seen walking through the hallway, pants in hand. Riza walked past him and did a double take when she saw what he was carrying.

"Um, Major," she said as she turned around and walked up to him, "With all do respect, might I ask what you are doing with those pants sir?" she asked as she motioned to the pants in his arm.

Armstrong nodded, "I'm taking them to Havoc and Mustang," he said as he turned to look at the door.

He raised his hand to knock on it.

"Wait!" Riza yelled, nearly grabbing the Major's hand, "I'll take them for you," she smiled as she reached for the pants.

Armstrong gave her an odd look, "But I'm already here," he said confused.

"Yes, b-but they're not. So I'll take the pants to them," Riza said with a nod.

She took the pants from Armstrong and walked away.

The door opened and Havoc peeked his head out, "The Fuhrer called and said you had our pants," he said with a smile.

Armstrong gave him an odd look, "Lieutenant Hawkeye took them," he said as he motioned down the hall with his thumb.

Havoc's eyes got big, "Colonel Mustang, Lieutenant Hawkeye has our pants sir!" he yelled before running out of the office.

"What! Stop her!" Mustang yelled as he ran out as well.

Armstrong stood in disbelief, "What is going on?" he asked himself before looking into the room. Lying in the center of the room, were two black miniskirts.

* * *

Hey! Sorry to stop there, but I'm signing off now. Bye!_**

* * *

Response To My Reviewers.**_

Akempis: Um, the point of your review is unknown to me. If you didn't like, fine. But could you try to be a bit more constructive next time…please?

heart of flame: You…love it? Really? YAY! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Kaiya-Chan: Awwww, that was so nice that you asked first. I like it when people want my help and I'm flatter when they get ideas from my work, but I hate when they assume it is ok to use it. I always try to ask before I use something, though I often forget or don't think of it. I guess I'm as bad as the people who don't ask me (sob). Anyways, a sequel? Really? That is great, I'm so reading it. Yay! I'm glad Ed is more in character, I'm trying as hard as I can to keep him that way. Oh, listen to me ramble without answering your question. Ok, so I did it on purpose, did the curiosity get to you? Hehehehehe, of course you can use it (but you probably figured I'd say that). I can't wait to see how you'll use it, but you can. Hehehehehehehehe, now the curiosity is getting to me. Stupid karma. Anyway, talk to ya later.

ILoveMyGojyo.


	4. Salute Your Shorts

_**The Courtship of Dogs and Men In Miniskirts.**_

_**Summary: Ed and Al meet another alchemist. Mustang is trying to woo Hawkeye, but everything keeps going wrong. And who's wearing a miniskirt and why?**_

_**Chapter 4: Salute Your Shorts.**_

* * *

Hey! Yeah, it's been a long time since I've updated, but I had other stuff I needed to do. Please forgive me. Well, here ya go with chapter 4.

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any of its characters.**

* * *

The Office.**

Havoc and Mustang can be seen running through the halls of the building.

"Where is she?" Roy asked frantically. The two rounded the corner and stopped dead in their tracks when they came face to face with The Fuhrer. Roy's eyes widened as the Fuhrer cleared his throat and looked at the man up and down, "Sorry sir, but we're in a hurry," he said quickly.

"Yes well…" The Fuhrer began, but was cut off when Roy began speaking again.

"Don't worry sir, as soon as we find Lieutenant Hawkeye, we'll loose the skirts," Roy assured his superior as he waved his hands defensively.

The Fuhrer looked at him and laughed a bit, though he didn't say a word. Havoc gave the man an odd look and tilted his head slightly. He looked down at Roy's legs, then back up at the Fuhrer, but quickly did a double take.

"Uh, colonel sir," Havoc said slowly, his eyes widening. Mustang looked over his shoulder and gave the man an irritated look, "I think we already did," he whined as he pointed to where he was staring.

Mustang gave him an odd look, "What?" he asked confused before looking down. His eyes became as wide as the lieutenant's. They both had forgotten that they removed the skirts when they got the call that their pants were coming. The afore mentioned skirts are currently lying in the middle of the floor of the office, meaning, the two men are currently standing in the hall…in front of The Fuhrer…without pants. Mustang slowly lifted his head and looked at The Fuhrer, who had his hand over his mouth to muffle his laughter, "I…uh…oh crap," Roy whined before looking at Havoc, "That woman will die a slow, painful, death," he ordered.

Havoc nodded with agreement and the two continued their run down the hallway.

**

* * *

Our Little Alchemist.**

Ed can be seen sitting on the curb outside of the doctor's office. Al is behind him, pacing back and forth in front of the door. Ed sighed as he placed his head in his hand.

"How long does it take for a simple checkup?" Ed asked irritably as he picked up a stick and began to draw in the dirt in front of him.

Al stopped and looked down at him, "Brother, aren't you concerned?" he asked slowly.

Ed sighed once more, "Yeah I guess," he groaned before they heard his stomach growl. Ed looked down at it and placed his hand on it, "But I'm more concerned about lunch," he confessed.

Al shook his head before continuing his pacing. They have both been sitting outside for nearly an hour, and they were getting very worried…or Al was anyway. The door slowly opened and Winry emerged from the building. Al stopped his pacing and walked up to her. Ed got up off the curb and walked up to her as well.

"Is she ok?" Al asked concerned, there was a bit of hope in his voice.

Winry smiled up at him, "Yeah, the doctor said she'll be fine," she assured the young man. She looked up at him, curiosity in her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by the sound of Ed's stomach. She turned her head and gave him an odd look. His mouth was wide open, he had his hand on his stomach, and he was slouched over slightly, all in all, he didn't look too good. "Are you ok?" she asked slowly, "You don't look too good."

"Ugh," was all Ed could manage to say.

"I think he's hungry," Al said, seeing how his brother couldn't.

Just then, Winry's stomach began to rumble as well, "I guess we could both use a little food," she said as she looked down at her gut. She rubbed it with one hand, "Um…why don't we go get something to eat. Al, you stay here with Alley," she suggested.

A large smile spread across Ed's face, "Yes!" he yelled excitedly before jumping in the air.

He turned around and began running down the sidewalk. Winry and Al watched Ed's sudden burst of energy with wide, curious eyes.

"Now he can talk," Winry said irritably as she threw her hands in the air. She broke her gaze from Ed and looked to Al, "She's in the second room on the left," she informed him. She noticed that he still seemed a bit concerned, so she gave him a comforting smile, "Don't worry, she'll be fine," she assured the young boy.

Al looked at her and nodded before entering the doctor's office.

"Um…hello?" Al asked as he knocked on the door and slowly entered the room. "Alley?" he whispered, still hoping this was the right room. Alley was lying on the bed, next to the wall. She was lying on her back with her hands on her stomach…sound asleep. Al noticed this and went blue; he realized that he couldn't have woken her up with all the noise he was making. He slowly made his way over to the chair next to the bed and sat down. He looked down at the sleeping girl, "You scared us," he whispered. He wanted to talk to her, but not wake her up, "I've never seen someone as blue as you were," he continued. He looked down and noticed that her color was much better now. He sat and watched her sleep for a moment, he sorta wished she was awake, but he was happy to see she was comfortable. "Winry said that you're ok now. I'm glad because…you're really a nice person. If you would just open up to people more, I'm sure that they would notice it too," he informed her.

"Strange…isn't it?" a female voice asked.

Al nearly screamed and jumped out of his seat, "Did I wake you?" he asked concerned as he went blue, again, and looked down at Alley.

"No, it was me silly," the voice was heard again. Al turned around and saw Winry and Ed standing in the doorway, they both had bags in their hands, "She's an ice alchemist and she got pneumonia," Winry laughed a little before entering the room, closing the door behind her.

Al laughed a bit as well, "That was fast," he commented, seeing how they only left twenty minutes ago.

Yes, it took Al nearly fifteen minutes to find Alley's room. When he came in, there were two hallways. He went to the second room to the left in the left hallway, but all he found was some old man getting a sponge bath. It took him nearly ten minutes to stand and apologize for trespassing.

"Yeah, we wanted to hurry and get back," Winry replied as she looked to Alley hopefully, "I guess she hasn't woken up yet," she said slowly, her smile fading.

Al looked at Alley and shook his head, "Not yet," he replied with a sigh.

Ed looked at Al, "It's alright, she'll be fine," he assured him as he sat the bag on the table and unloaded food from it.

Winry nodded with agreement before walking over and setting her bag down as well. Al hung his head slightly before turning and looking back down at Alley. Winry and Ed sat down and began to eat. The sound of food containers being opened and the bags rustling was all that was heard in the, otherwise, silent room.

**

* * *

Back At The Office.**

Roy and Havoc stopped and leaned on the wall as they tried to catch their breath. There were other men and woman walking by, pointing and laughing at them.

"This…is…crazy," Havoc managed to spit out, taking a deep breath before every word, "We've been…chasing that maniac…forever. Everyone's seen…us in our…boxers at this point. So…I vote…we not worry about…being embarrassed…anymore," he spit out, though it was not easy.

Roy was having an equally hard time breathing, "Yes…but that's not…the point…(cough)…lieutenant," he said slowly before leaning his head on the hand that was on the wall. He took a few more deep breaths before trying to speak again, "The point is…she can't get…the best…(cough)…of us."

Havoc laughed a bit, "Ha, you complain…about how much I…smoke. I'm not the one…coughing," he said as he pointed at Roy and laughed some more.

"Shut…up," Roy said bitterly as he waved a hand at the young officer. "This isn't…(cough)…this isn't…(cough)…this isn't…(cough). Aww forget it," he began, but figured it was no use; he could barely talk anyway.

"Well, you boy's don't look very good," Riza said as she walked up and stood next to the two of them. The two officers turned their heads, but didn't let go of the wall. "And, you're white legs need a bit of a tan," she added as she motioned to them.

Roy pushed himself off the wall, spun around, and fell back. He was now leaning on the wall with his back…trying desperately to stay standing.

"Where…are the pants?" He asked, starting slow, but speeding up before he coughed again.

Riza smiled and motioned to the doors down the hall, "Out there," she replied, her smile becoming increasingly wicked with every word.

Havoc spun around and leaned his back on the wall as well, "Out there?" he asked as he too pointed to the door, "But that leads outside," he said frantically.

"Yup," Riza said with a nod, "Please, allow me to escort you," she requested.

Roy and Havoc gave her a dirty look before pushing themselves off the wall and waddling to the end of the hallway.

They stepped outside the doors and looked around, "So, where are they?" Roy asked, his patience wearing very thin.

Riza walked up and stood behind his right shoulder, "Over there sir," she said as she pointed up.

Havoc and Roy slowly looked up and saw their pants hanging from the top of the flagpole, "Oh no," Havoc whined before smacking his forehead.

Roy sighed and hung his head, "Haven't you ever heard that cruel and unusual punishment, is illegal?" he asked, not looking at Riza.

Riza's smile widened, "No, sir," she replied simply. She patted both men on the back, "Good luck," she said before turning and going back inside.

"Well," Roy smiled before reaching over and slapping Havoc on the back, "Good luck."

Havoc slowly turned his head and looked at the colonel, "Oh, man" he whined before walking up to the flagpole.

**

* * *

Full Metal.**

The three can still be seen in that room. Al is still sitting next to the bed, Ed in leaning back in the chair with his feet on the table, and Winry is on the other side of the table with her head rested in her arms, asleep.

"Uh," Alley moaned as she moved a bit. Al quickly looked over at her and Ed took his feet off the table and walked to his brother's side. Alley slowly opened her eyes and looked up at the two of them, "Wha?" she asked confused.

"Are you ok?" Al asked quickly, his voice full of concern and wonder.

Alley slowly lifted her arm and rubbed her head, "Yeah, I think so," she said slowly, her voice quiet. "I'm a bit tired though and I have a bit of a headache," she groaned. She looked between the two of them questionably, "Where's the ditzy blonde?" she asked slowly.

Al and Ed laughed a bit, "Still asleep," Ed said as he motioned to Winry. Alley leaned up a bit and smiled at the sight of her. "So, are you ok?" Ed asked, letting his concern show a bit.

Alley looked at him and gave him a weak smile, "I said I was fine, I'm just a little tired," she replied, before coughing a bit.

Al stood up and Ed ran right to her side, "Alley?" Al asked concerned.

Alley laughed a bit at their reaction, "You two need a hobby," she joked. "I was just coughing, you do that when you're sick," she laughed.

Al sat down and Ed backed up, "Yeah, we knew that," he said, tying to regain his cool exterior.

"Maybe you should sleep," Al suggested, "You did say you were tired," he reminded the young girl.

"Yeah, but I just did a whole lot of sleeping. I'm done for a little while," Alley replied, though she was flattered by Al's concern, "So tell me, what brings you to town like this?" she asked, seeing how this town wasn't exactly a 'hot spot'.

"Another great automail shop," Ed groaned irritably as he gave Winry a dirty look.

"Oh, I get it," Alley nodded, "You're girlfriend has a thing for automail and she made you bring her here," she guessed.

Ed looked down at her, his eyes filled with fire, "SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!" he yelled. His reaction was similar to the one he has when people call him short, "SHE'S JUST SOME ANNOYING GIRL WHO FOLLOWS US AROUND!" he continued to rant.

"Um…Brother," Al said weakly, "You might want to lower your voice before you wake her up," he suggested before motioning to Winry.

"NO! I'M SICK OF PEOPLE THINKING SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND!" Ed continued. He didn't see Winry sitting up and rubbing sleep from her eyes, "I DON'T EVEN WANT HER HERE!"

"Um, Brother…" Al began again as he motioned to the angry blonde who was now crossing the room, an anger cross on her head.

"AND ANOTHER THING…" Ed continued his yelling, but was cut off when Winry's hand collided with the back of his head.

"Lower your voice or you'll wake her up!" the blonde ordered bitterly. Ed grabbed his head and rubbed it. Winry looked down at Alley and noticed she was awake, "You did wake her up!" she yelled before hitting him again.

"No," Alley said weakly, "He didn't wake me, I was already up," she assured the young girl.

Winry gave her a questionable look, "Hmm," she thought for a moment, "Though I don't believe you, I guess I'll drop the subject," she said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Thank you," Alley nodded.

"So," Al said, trying to change the subject, "Not that it is any of our business, but with the really good automail shop and everything, why don't you upgrade?" he asked confused as he motioned to the young girl's arm.

Alley looked down and laughed a bit, "Well, I don't really have the money," she said, apparently not ashamed.

"Oh," Al said, a little ashamed that he even asked, "I'm sorry."

Alley smiled at him, "It's fine. I've had this automail since I was ten, so I've learned how to adjust," she assured him.

"I really wish you would let me fix it for you," Winry pleaded, though she knew it wasn't any use.

Alley shook her head, "I don't like getting charity. I can take care of myself," she informed her, though the thought of new automail was nice.

Winry sighed, "Well, can't your parents help you get the money?" she asked, this was her last hope.

Alley's eyes widened and her jaw dropped a bit, "Uh…" was the only thing that escaped her throat. She closed her eyes and hung her head, "I don't have any parents," she said slowly, this is what she was ashamed of.

Al, Winry, and Ed looked a bit ashamed themselves. The poor girl just woke up and they had already managed to upset her.

"S-sorry," Winry said slowly, "I didn't mean too bring bad memories," she said apologetically as she hung her head.

"To tell you the truth," Al chimed in, "Brother and I lost our mom and we don't know where our dad is," he said, trying to let her know that she wasn't alone.

"And Winry's parents are gone too," Ed added.

Alley looked up at all of them, "I'm sorry," she apologized before a smile spread across her face, "But now I'm really glad I met you," she said excitedly.

The three gave her an odd look, "What?" Winry asked confused, not seeing how any of this was a good thing.

"Well," Alley said as she looked down at her hands, "I always thought I was alone, you know, that nobody could possibly feel the pain I'm feeling. But now I've met you and all three of you know how I feel. I don't feel so alone anymore," she said as she closed her eyes.

Winry smiled a little, "Really?" she asked, a slight twinkle in her eyes.

Alley looked up at her and smiled, "Really," she nodded, the same twinkle in her eyes.

The two stared at each other for a moment, happy that they found someone who knew their pain.

"So, what did happen to your parents?" Ed asked, trying to break the awkward silence.

Alley looked at him and blinked, the smile fading from her face.

(FLASHBACK)

_I was about ten when I had my accident._

A young, black hair, green-eyed girl is seen holding a woman's hand as the two walk the streets of the city.

_I was walking home with my mom, when I saw a puppy in the window across the street. _

The young girl tugged on the woman's arm and pointed across the street. The woman knelt down next to her and smiled, "Not now sweet heart, maybe tomorrow," she said. She kissed the girl on the forehead before standing up and continuing their walk.

'_Not now sweet heart, maybe tomorrow' is what she told me everyday for the next week. I never understood why. We were a wealthy family and we could afford fifty puppies if we wanted too, but she never changed what she said. One afternoon, I looked over at that window…but the puppy wasn't there._

The girl looked to the window and smiled, but it quickly faded when she didn't see the puppy.

_I wanted to know where it went, but I was nine and I don't think the shopkeeper would have told me. So, I kept my mouth shut and I continued on my way. When we reached my house, my friends and family jumped out and screamed 'surprise'. I was surprised. My birthday wasn't until the day after. The best part was when my dad walked up and handed me that puppy._

The little girl's eyes grew wide when a man knelt in front of her and handed her the puppy. She took the dog in her arms and it licked her face as she laughed.

_That puppy and me were inseparable for the two months I had him. I remember the day it happened. I had went to my dad and asked him if I could walk my puppy all by myself. My dad said yes, but my mom said no. The two argued, but came to an agreement._

The young girl is seen walking down the street. She has the leash in hand. Her parents were walking a few feet behind her, holding hands.

_I remember that moment like it was yesterday. My mom noticed something in the window of the store and told my dad to take a look. She told me to stay where I was and not move, but the puppy didn't agree with that. Across the street there was another dog. My puppy pulled on the leash as he struggled to get to it. I held on as tight as I could, but the leash slipped through my fingers. I looked to where my parents were, but they had gone in the store to get what my mother had shown my father. I couldn't let him get away, so I ran after him._

The little girl turned around and saw her parents through the window of the store. She looked back at the puppy, worry in her eyes. She looked down the street and saw a car coming. "Move puppy!" she yelled, but the puppy sat in the middle of the road and stared at the dog on the other side. The little girl saw how close the car was coming, so she ran into the street to save the dog. The dog moved out of the way, but the girl couldn't.

_The screeching of the brakes hurt my ears._

The young girl covered her ears with her hands as the car tried to stop.

_I don't…remember anything after that._

The parents walked out of the store with a bag in the mother's hand. She screamed and dropped the bag and the site she saw. He little girl was lying in the road…behind the car. She wasn't conscious and her arm and leg were barely hanging on.

_I woke up in my bedroom. Mom was crying in a chair next to my bed and my dad was leaning on the doorframe smoking. _

"Mommy," the little girl whined. The woman looked at her and gasped, "Alley," she said in disbelief before leaning down and hugging her. The girl returned the hug, but her eyes widened at what she saw next…her arm.

_It was the weirdest thing I'd ever seen. My arm was made of metal. I pulled away from my mother and asked her what happened. My dad told me about the accident. Heh, then he tried to make me feel better by telling me that it was the finest automail money could buy. I asked where my puppy was…_

"We put it to sleep," the man replied as he slowly approached the end of the bed, "That thing was too dangerous anyway," he said as his cigarette bobbed in his mouth.

_After that day, I spent a lot of time in my room…secluded from all other forms of life. I didn't want people to see me. I would stay up late at night and listen to my parents talk in the room next to mine. My dad talked about getting a doctor to examine my head and my mom would say things like…'She needs friends, money can buy that right?' or 'Maybe it's a faze, she'll grow out of it'. I guess I didn't though. It was about two months before my eleventh birthday when I heard my dad on the phone with a coworker…or something. I never found out who he was talking too. He said something about his job…and something about money. I don't really remember. All I know is that night; my dad told my mom we were broke._

The little girl can be seen with her ear to the wall as she listened to them talk.

_I guess I should have been a bit more curious when my parents said we were going on vacation. I didn't understand how we could go on vacation if we didn't have any money. Well, to make a short vacation shorter, I'll skip all of the useless info. I'll put it to you this way, the three of us checked into the hotel the night before my birthday, but when I woke up the next morning, I was alone._

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Crumby, I know, but now that all this is over the chapters will get a lot better. Please bear with me.

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I can't respond to reviewers right now. Sorry, but I have to get this posted on three sites in less than fifteen minutes. Bye for now.

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ILoveMyGojyo. 


	5. All For A Puppy

_**The Courtship of Dogs and Men In Miniskirts.**_

_**Summary: Ed and Al meet another alchemist. Mustang is trying to woo Hawkeye, but everything keeps going wrong. And who's wearing a miniskirt and why?**_

_**Chapter 5: All For A Puppy.**_

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Hello, don't have much to say except for thanks for the reviews. I enjoy reading them. Bye for now. I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or any of its characters.

**

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The Furher's Office.**

Roy, Riza, and Havoc are standing before the Furher's desk; guilt strewn on their faces. Havoc and Roy are still in their boxers and their pants are draped over their arms. The Furher looked between the three attentive solders as he taped a pen on his chin. Words escaped him, I mean, what could he say.

He cleared his throat before putting the pen on the table, "I want to know what happened, why it happened, and I want to hear the truth. Now," he demanded, he was a little aggravated by the situation.

"She did it…sir," Havoc said as he pointed at Riza, "She stole our pants and made us wear miniskirts," he insisted, still pointing at the young woman next to him.

Riza gave him a dirty look, "I didn't _make_ you do anything," she argued, though she knew that wasn't true.

"Now lieutenant, she couldn't have made you put on a skirt. What did she do, hold a gun to your head?" the Furher asked with a bit of a chuckle. It didn't seem as funny when Havoc and Mustang gave him a 'what do you think' look. He looked between the two men, then to Riza, "You did?" he asked, a smile spreading across his face.

Riza hung her head, but snapped it back up when she realized she should be at attention, "Yes sir," she answered quickly, thinking she was busted now.

The Fuhrer tried to hold back his laughter, but he was failing miserably, "Well, I think that you all have learned a valuable lesson today," he said as he tried to cover his mouth with his hand to hide the laughter and talk at the same time, "Do you know what that is?" he asked.

"Don't always go along with the Colonel's stupid plans?" Havoc said bitterly before glaring at Mustang.

"No," the Furher said as he shook his head.

"That women are people too and we shouldn't use them as sex objects?" Mustang asked as he thought about the poor woman in the miniskirt.

"No, but that's pretty good," the Furher said with a grin before looking at Riza, "Do you know Hawkeye?" he asked.

"That women are a force to be reckoned with and you should never tick them off?" Riza asked with a bit of a smile.

Havoc and Mustang rolled their eyes; they both thought she was way off.

"Exactly," the Furher agreed, causing both Havoc and Mustang to look at him, "Women are way out of a man's metal range of understanding. If you tick them off, you never know what they'll do. Now, get out of my office…and put on your pants. Dismissed," he said, hoping they would hurry and leave so that he could laugh. "Oh, except you Lieutenant Hawkeye," the Furher said as he waved Riza back into the office and Roy and Havoc left.

"Sir?" Riza asked as she approached the desk and stood at attention.

The Furher rubbed his chin, "First you manage to depants them, hid the afore mention pants in my desk, got them back from a Major, and ran them up a flagpole?" he asked, wondering if he had covered everything.

"Yes sir," Riza replied simply, no point in lying he had already caught her.

"In that case, do me a favor. The next time you come up with a genius plan that will get you in more trouble than you can imagine…let me in on it," the Furher said with a grin.

Riza looked at him with disbelief, "Really?" she asked, allowing a small sigh of relief to escape.

"Really," the Furher nodded. "Dismissed," he said as he motioned to the door.

Riza saluted before leaving the room.

**

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Our Friendly Neighborhood Alchemist**

Ed, Al, and Winry stood in silence after Alley had told them of her past. They didn't know what to say, it was really sad. Just then Ed began to chuckle a little, causing Winry to give him a dirty look.

"Brother, what's so funny about that?" Al asked, a bit offended by his brother's behavior.

Ed covered his mouth with his hand, "I'm sorry, but all of this is over one little puppy," he said as he tried desperately to muffle his laughter.

Al and Winry couldn't say anything. They felt so bad for Alley at this point. These were the first people she's confided in for a long time and Ed was laughing at her. Winry turned her head to look at Alley and apologized, but she was shocked at what she saw. Alley was laughing too.

"Alley?" Winry asked confused, wondering if the drugs the doctor gave her made her crazy.

"I'm sorry, but he's right. All of this is because of dog," Alley said as she too covered her mouth.

Winry was confused over all of this, but her confusion grew when she heard Al laughing as well. She snapped her head in the tin man's direction, "Al?" she asked in disbelief. It took a few minutes, but she couldn't hold it in anymore. She began laughing as well. "I guess it is kinda funny," she confessed before all of them broke out in an uncontrollable laughter.

It wasn't so much Alley story anymore. They had all had a very long few days and they all needed to have a good laugh. They were shortly interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

"Excuse me, I'd hate to interrupt, but may I see one of you in the hallway?" the doctor asked as he peeked his head into the room.

They all looked at him, confusion filled their faces. Ed and Winry looked at each other and with a nod got to their feet and headed to the door; leaving Al and Alley behind. Al and Alley watched as the door clicked shut. Al looked at it, hoping they would come back in quickly, he didn't feel very comfortable with being alone with Alley.

"I hope everything is ok," Alley said quietly, causing Al to go blue. He slowly turned and looked at her, but didn't say a word. Alley noticed the silence and sighed a little before looking away from him. "I feel bad that you guys are here. You shouldn't be wasting your time on someone like me. Why don't you guys just go home, I'll be alright," she said slowly, guilt lingered in her voice.

Al sighed a little as well. He wanted to tell her that he'd rather be there with her than anywhere else on earth, but the words wouldn't come, half because he didn't want to make her uncomfortable and half because he didn't want to be rejected. He looked to the door once more, praying that they would come back into that room soon. His attention snapped back to Alley when he heard her coughing uncontrollably.

"Alley!" he yelled worriedly. He looked at her, but didn't have any idea what he could do. He got to his feet and looked to the door, "Doctor! Come quick! Doctor!" he yelled as loud as he could as Alley continued her coughing.

The doctor ran into the room and right up to Alley. Ed and Winry walked into the room after him, but they didn't look too happy. Al walked up to them, wondering if something was wrong.

"Is she ok?" Winry asked as she motioned to Alley.

The doctor had her sitting up and drinking water, "She'll be just fine," he assured them as he rubbed Alley's back.

"For now anyway," Ed mumbled so that the doctor wouldn't hear him.

Al looked at him confused, "What do you mean Brother?" he asked, though his worry for Alley lingered in his voice.

Ed looked at Al apologetically, "The doctor told us how much it would cost for her medication and for her to stay here. Unfortunately, we don't have that kind of money and the military won't pay for it," he explained.

"We have enough for the medication, but we can't keep her here," Winry added, seeing how Ed really didn't want to continue.

Al looked a bit worried, "Well, what are we going to do then?" he asked as he motioned to Alley, "We can't leave her out there all alone. Besides, knowing her, she won't take the medication unless we're there to make her," he pointed out.

"I say we take her back to Resembool," Winry suggested, "This way she can stay at my house until she feels better."

Ed and Al looked at her, but they both felt pretty hopeless, "That would work, but she won't go," Ed said reluctantly.

"Yeah, she wouldn't go the first two times we asked her, remember?" Al reminded her.

"Well," Winry said as she took a deep breath, "Al, you and her are the same age and you seem to get along pretty well. Why don't you ask her?" she requested.

Al went blue once more, "Me?" he asked frantically as he pointed to himself, "I don't think that'll work, why don't you do it Brother?" he asked nervously as he scratched the back of his head.

"Because she doesn't like me and I'm not too fond of her," Ed reminded him as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Al tried desperately to think of an excuse, but nothing was coming to him. He looked between Ed and Winry. He was a bit intimidated by their impatient glares.

"Ok," he sighed as he hung his head and headed in the direction of Alley's bed, passing the doctor on his way over. "Are you ok now?" he asked slowly as the young woman looked up at him.

Alley nodded a little, "I'm fine, Al," she said with a small smile.

"That's good," the iron man said as he looked off to the side, "Umm, Winry and Ed just told me that…well you see…it's just," he began, but couldn't find the best way to tell her what the doctor had told them.

"I know already," Alley assured him, "The doctor told me, but don't worry ok? I'm sure I'll be all right. I've been sick before and I know how to handle it," she said confidently, though a little worry was evident in her tone.

Al was a little relieved by her confidence and he admired her ability to find the bright side, "I think you should go with us to Resembool. You need to get better and living out there won't help you any," he said confidently as well, if she could be that confidant so could he.

Alley smiled a bit more, "No thank you Al, I'll just be a bother. I'm sure I'll be fine, really," she insisted, seeing how she really didn't want to be a problem.

Al was tempted to give up, but all he could think about was Alley on the street all alone, "No, you're coming with us. I don't care what you have to say about it," he insisted.

Alley's smiled faded as her face went red, "Al?" she asked confused, she'd never seen that side of him before.

"Come on, let's go," Al said as he scooped her up in his arms and headed to the door.

He passed a very shocked Winry and Ed on his way out.

**

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Back At The Ever Popular Office.**

Riza smiled as she left the office and closed the door behind her. She spun around and jumped with surprise when she saw Mustang and Havoc leaning on the wall across the hallway, their pants draped over their shoulders.

"Aren't you two going to put them back on?" she asked as she shook her head and made her way down the hallway.

"In a minute, I want to hear what the Furher said," Mustang insisted as he and Havoc pushed off the wall and followed her.

"Did you get a demotion? Or suspended? Or discharged?" Havoc asked as they followed the young woman.

"Nope, I got a congratulations," Riza said, causing both men to stop and their jaws to drop.

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Well, what did ya think? Not as long as normal, but pretty good huh?

ILoveMyGojyo


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